Meet the Cast!

Sniper: Alex Calverley
Alex always knew he was destined for stardom. Much of his early life was concentrated on learning the skills of a star performer, and he can claim to be one of the few who ever saw Brzezicki's first film, 'Calculator I: Finding Zero'. He got his big breakthrough in getting the part of 'Cool Person 1' in the epic 'Calculator IX: Attack of the Squares'. Since then the link between Calverley and Brzezicki has strengthened into a powerful partnership of first deaths. Unfortunately after Alex's untimely accident involving one too many dancing competitions the beginning scene had to be reworked so that his massive fight where he kills everyone was cut out and he was killed off instead.

Tom Manderson: James Brzezicki
Rarely understood by the mainstream, James Brzezicki’s early films, including "The Judger", "The Destructor" and "Calculator IV: Death by Numbers" were not given the critical praise they so blatantly deserve. Furthermore, to fund these projects Brzezicki had resorted to a career of what some would unfairly refer to as professional gambling. However, six months later Brzezicki mysteriously came into a large sum of money, not least useful at this time for the payment of his three lawyers after he allegedly participated in a case of extortion. He is currently working on his latest opus, The Assassinator, which will be released later this year.

The Bodyguard: Christopher Robertson
Christopher Robertson, notorious for his love of tea, Boccherini, and small fluffy animals, found it difficult to adapt to the role of the ruthless bodyguard. His intimidating presence on set, however, has enabled him to ensure that the film does actually contain tea, Boccherini, and small fluffy animals. A small prize will not be awarded to the first person who spots all three. An accomplished singer, Christopher has performed in many classic musicals, from Mackintosh's "Les Miserables" to Brzezicki's "Calculator III: Pi Another Day".

The President: Alexis Smith
After starring in Brzezicki’s cult-classic turned mainstream blockbuster “Calculator VI: The Sinhing”, Alexis Smith admits he got caught up in the hyperbole surrounding the film and began his downward spiral, developing a serious addiction to carrots. Older and wiser now, his orange skin and night vision may be gone, but his enthusiasm remains. After leaving rehab, during which time he developed his interest in spoons, he met Brzezicki for the first time since the filming of “The Sihning”. Impressed with Smith’s new-found resolve, Brzezicki instantly offered him the role of “The President” and Smith has not looked back since. Enjoying life again, Smith says he has never been busier, with numerous projects in the pipeline.

Tom's Friend: George Evans

Incompetent Assassin: Alex Sharp

Master Assassin: David Dodd
Dodd met Brzezicki in a Guatamalan prison, after an illegal butterfly deal went sour. A few years later, after being released and deported, they kept in touch. One of Dodd's parole conditions was that he get a job. After a few failed attempts (local MP, beefeater and Governor of Delaware) he was given a job acting in Brzezicki's "Calculator X: The Root Two The Promised Land" and has been working with him ever since. To this day, he maintains his innocence, declaring "I was simply sending boxes to America and the 682 rare butterflies inside was just a huge coincidence!"

Train Station Informant: Richard Williams

Vice President: Tom Molloy
Tom Molloy is not unknown to playing malevolent characters. As a toddler, he starred in 'Evil Baby', and went on to play leading roles in 'A Touch of Evil', 'In the Face of Evil', 'The Evil Within', 'A Grin without a Cat', 'Evil Dead 1 and 2', 'Evil Affairs', 'Meeting Evil', and the nine films in the 'Evil' series. In a break from his typical role, Tom starred in 'ET' and 'Calculator VIII: Lawrence of Algebra' which gave the public a taste of his inner character. Nevertheless, he quickly returned to what he is famous for and has recently been seen in 'Evil Come, Evil Go,' 'Something Evil', 'Evil Never Dies', 'Evil Under the Sun', 'Evil on Parade', and the German hit 'Die schlechten Akte von Hitler'. When asked about his role in the Assassinator, Tom replied "Get everyone...to come and see it."

Vice President's Bodyguard: Joy Basford
Hyperactive polyglot of many talents, including long range rifle-shooting, being flexible, shower- singing, belly-dancing, arsegrinding, inhaling food and putting away 1 1/2 bottles of wine... this last stunt actually was abortive..to the result of having to be helped to bed in a very unladylike manner by 6 guys that night. Of the filming? My only wish is that I hadn't wiggled my bum quite so much, while attempting to saunter away in that distinguished strut. It very nearly resulted in my untimely demise. Rest assured that despite being a prude, I shall work on it in the sequel.

Vice President's Henchman: Nish Kumar

Tom's Friend's Bodyguard: Rich Smith
After failing acting school, Brzezicki offered dropout Rich Smith a walkon role in "Calculator III: Pi Another Day" and since then Rich has never looked back. However, death has always played a crucial role in any part Rich has played, notoriously in "Calculator XI: Phi Degrees of Seperation", but now surpassed in "The Assasinator". Already looking to the future, rich hopes Brzezicki's next film will hold even more comic deaths.

Agent Smith: Alex Merson

Samurai 1: Ben Haytack

Samurai 2: Chewi

Samurai 3: Tom Tomlinson

Samurai 4: Chris Phang

Samurai 5: Tomasz Dunn
Boasting extreme experience in new fangled sports such as snow boarding, rumour had it that he taught Vin Diesel how to ride in the film XXX, but was kicked out over disagreements with the director when he wanted to rename the film "X cubed". Dunn was a stunt double in Brzezicki's recent classic "Calculator XII: The Determinator - Judgement Day", as well as the alien thriller "Calculator VII: Sines". He has sustained many injuries in the name of art and the medical teams have yet to re-attach his head, lost in the spectacular sword fight scene in "The Assassinator". When asked about his plans for the future, Tom declined to comment, saying: "I've got an appointment at the hospital. It's time to head off."

Gunman 1: Richard Crowther
Richard, a pyrotechnic formed from select cuts of smoked, reformed lunacy with added evil genius, is an alchemist by trade, though he was enticed into this lavish production by the promise of fire. His main characteristic is the ability to look exceedingly crazy, with or without sunglasses, and also to die in various extraordinary ways. It is these qualities which have earned him the starring role in Brzezicki’s upcoming production – "Calculator XXIV: Logs, Sets and Two Smoking Bar Graphs".

Gunman 2: James Davill
James Davill is a relatively new star on the movie scene. He was first discovered sleeping in a dumpster with a killer hangover 2 years ago in a small town called Ripon with only a bag of potatoes. Since then he has made every effort to break into the filming industry but his tendencies to turn up drunk and or smashed has resulted in many failed auditions, two broken ribs, 3 and a half kidney transplants, a sever lack of coordination and a continuous headache. "I've always wanted to play the part of a fish" says Jimi "though I've never managed to "achieve" the role." Having said this Jimi has come startlingly close to his dream role in working with Brzezicki in the film Calculator XIV: Charlie's Angles, when he famously stared as a piece of sea-weed. Jimi's role in the assassinator has led him to have one of the most poorly acted deaths possible, all in order to save his trousers form a rather oversized piece of mud. In the future he has lined up a series of unconvincing deaths for the second "Assassinator" and a cameo role in Nemo 2 as a Rastafarian sword fish.

Gunman 3: Tom Bray

Nunchucks Warrior: Vicky Murphy

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Tom's Mentor: Peter Holland